And here we are again. Another day, another episode of Outlander that needs to be hatewatched. Only one more episode after this one for season three. Let’s see how much of that subtle, subtle foreshadowing begins coming to fruition, shall we?

Spoilers ahead for Outlander season three, episode 12: The Bakra


As the “previously on” intro reminds us, this sailing adventure all started because Young Ian was kidnapped. Whoops, forgot about him! Anyway, we see Young Ian immediately after he was kidnapped. The captain speaks mysteriously of how the jewels are for The Bakra. Seriously, over like six lines of dialog, half of it is, “The Bakra.”

After being captured by the pirates Young Ian was going to be given to the pigs as sustenance for the trip, however, he’s scrappy and the captain thinks The Bakra would like that. To save time, we don’t learn how the trip was for Young Ian. Instead, we see him shoved into a jail cell in Jamaica where he learns the young men disappear after being sent to… The Bakra. Thankfully, Young Ian looks very healthy and not at all pale or ill. No scurvy here.

OH MY GOSH! The Bakra is GELLIS. She’s from the future and Scotland and apparently bathes in blood. Naked. She assures Young Ian that it’s only goats blood while provocatively rinsing off. Even I know without having watched the first two seasons that Gellis was killed as a witch to save Claire. I had no idea when she showed up in the first few episodes of the season that she would appear later on. But that was before I realized how ridiculous this show is with the foreshadowing. Characters don’t appear unless they matter to the story later on.

Gellis gives him truth serum and Young Ian spills the whole back story about Jamie needing the gems and that Uncle Jamie will be coming for him (it is only after this that I realize I could have skipped the entire second half of the season and been caught up right now). While she’s pulling the truth from Young Ian, she is weirdly sexual with him. Like a creepy lady snake who steals power from young virgins. Or just has sex with young men. I’m not really sure which because this whole scene would have made more sense if Coco were in it.

That was all pre-credits. When we return from the credits, Jamie and Claire are in Jamaica with hopes to find Young Ian. Claire suggests searching separately. Jamie smartly realizes that it would be a bad idea to let her out of his sight. As they begin their search, the guy who was awaiting the ship finds them and invites them to dinner at the Governor’s house.

A weird cut brings us to the slave trade shopping mall. Claire is so disgusted she won’t use the parasol given to her to make her look respectable. Some of the throw-away dialog seems so unnecessary and forced. Why do we need to talk about the parasol? Unless, of course, she needs to have a reason to have it in her hands in a few scenes…

Which she did as Claire hits a slave trader with the parasol as he shames a slave by showing how “big” he is to the crowd. I’m not going to go into more detail. It’s enough to say that Claire is horrified and needs to stop the display. What terrible writing that they need to write in a prop so obviously that they have to justify it with dialog. Claire couldn’t have snatched a parasol or cane from someone in the crowd? Aside from this show just being silly and insufferable, it’s truly insulting to its fans (“Hey, Claire needs to smack someone in the head with something that she couldn’t possibly grab out of the audience and viewers are going to wonder why she suddenly has an umbrella in her hands. Um, I know She’s given it to look respectable in the slave trade bazaar”).

Anyway, to get out of the situation, Jamie buys Claire a slave. But they’re going to free Temeraire the slave. When it’s safe. But not yet, because they need him. Holy cow. This one scene so blindly captures everything wrong with us white bleeding heart liberals “fighting” against racism in the US right now that it made me feel icky to watch. I’d like to imaging the writers were making that exact statement but, I think the parasol tells us otherwise.

Cut to a fancy house and WHHHHAAAAAT? The seer from Claire’s first day back in Scotland was brought to India to do a reading for Gellis. Wow, y’all I did not expect to see HER again. It turns out Gellis needs the three sapphires that were in the box of jewels. One of which we were reminded during the “previously on” was given by Jamie to John Gray as payment to watch over his son.

“WHAT? How on EARTH is everyone in Jamaica?” is what I imagine Jamie gasped to himself as he sees the governor (unlike us who knew that everyone we’ve met this season was coincidentally going to be in Jamaica). The governor is John Grey. So, the sapphire will be in Jamaica because of COURSE they traveled with it (yep, John Grey wears it on him at all times as a symbol of his unrequited love for Jamie. UGH, seriously. I don’t mind plot points, but this show is ridiculous in how every damn plot point relies on unbelievable coincidences.)

In the spirit of seeing ghosts, Claire sees Gellis across the room heading outside.Gellis, the big lady snake liar, says she has NO idea where Young Ian is and will help Claire search for him because, “what are friends for?”

Gellis sees that the Governor has the gem and becomes quite squirrely. So they begin fortune telling at the party with Margaret the Seer and Claire realizes the rich patron is Gellis. Margaret doesn’t want to do the reading on the sapphires because it will bring death because of course it will. And what is the prophecy, you may ask (I hope you appreciate I had to watch this scene four times to get the whole prophecy typed up for you)?

“When twice 1,200 moons have coursed
between man’s attack and woman’s curse,
and when the issue is cut down
then will a Scotsman wear a crown.”

Good grief, why don’t they just say Claire and Jamie’s baby must die (hello visit from the 1960s daughter)? Even when Seer Margaret’s brother “deciphers” the prophecy, he is doing Outlander Storytelling 101: “A new king will rise in Scotland upon the death of a child that is 200 years old on the day of its birth.” Hello, let’s just tell you what’s going to happen because then we don’t have to worry about tight storytelling (PARASOL!).

The Porpoise’s 12-year-captain appears at the ball right as they learn that Gellis took Young Ian and LIED to Claire. All of those subtle forshadowed plot points are coming closer to fruition.

Alas, the young captain finds Jamie and Claire on the path to freedom and Jamie is arrested for sedition and murder right after they release the slave to live in hiding. What nice white people they are.

Next week is our final episode. Whatever will happen (preview hint: voodoo, the cove and Gellis being wicked).

UNBELIEVABLE COINCIDENCE COUNT: At least nine. For a 60 minute show. That’s one unbelievable, plot-forwarding coincidence every 6.66 minutes. Which interestingly is the number of the devil. That explains a LOT.

Other happenings this episode:

  • Jamie wants to hide the Artemis in a nearby cove. Cove. Why does that sound so familiar? Almost as if it was foreshadowed once in the 1960s and again with Coco. Nah.
  • It turns out Gellis wasn’t burned as a witch because she was pregnant. She worked it out so that they burned a corpse instead of her. She had to leave the baby and eventually made her way to Jamaica.
  • As they sadly look at the slaves, Jamie asks “When will it end.” Not for a very long time, Claire tells him. They are, rightfully, sad.
  • Jamie’s son William is not on the island, but is expected in the next few weeks. Do we think Jamie will have the opportunity to see him?
  • Mr. Willoughby and Margaret the seer connect. He calms her down it appears. They literally meet eyes across a ballroom, so, yeah.
  • Seriously, Gellis has a dirty mouth.

Knits in this episode:

I didn’t see any. This continues to make me sad. Why am I even watching this anymore??

There you go. One more episode for season three. What do you think the big cliffhanger will be to end this season? Let me know in the comments (no book spoilers please!).

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